Friday, January 9, 2015

Embrace It!

Any parent of multiples will agree that one of the most common questions people ask you about your children is "are they natural?" Well of course all children/humans are natural but what they really want to know is if you used fertility treatments. I've never been offended by this question and always just answer with a "yes they were spontaneous" then I get the "wow" "incredible" "that's crazy" type responses. I've come to see via multiples forums online that A LOT of people find this question offensive or rude. I totally get their point, why is it anybody's business how their children were conceived. But sadly that doesn't stop people from prying into your life asking personal questions about your family. I read this blog post recently Go Ahead, Ask If My Twins Are Natural. She makes a good point, she decided to just embrace it and is proud of the fact that her twins were from fertility treatments. I agree, those that went through all that emotional pain and had to endure physical pain and discomfort just to get pregnant, should be proud of the fact that they where blessed two fold or three fold or more! In many ways its much more special than my case where it 'just happened.' But that's just my humble opinion since I have no first hand experience.

My opinion may also stem from the fact that I may be missing one piece of the puzzle and if someone could enlighten me I'd love to hear it. I know exactly how people will respond when I tell them yes my triplets are spontaneous but how do people respond when you tell them they came from fertility treatments? Is it a negative reaction? I've been curious for quite sometime about this, anybody??? I've been met with lots of negativity but not for the way my kids were conceived. For example more than one person has said to me "I would kill myself if I had triplets." SERIOUSLY?! You'd really kill yourself if you had three beautiful perfect healthy children? There is something very wrong with you to think that! Anyways...

I honestly don't think people have bad intentions when they ask you if "they are natural." I theorize that people A) just want an explanation/reason why they see three little humans of the same height in-front of them or B) out of fear, want to know if it can happen to them! I love that being able to imply to people that yes my kidos are completely random and it could happen to you just as it happened to me, ha! 

Like the author of the blog post above and most people that bombard me with questions about my kids as I'm trying to go about my day, I totally wonder the same thing too when I meet other parents of multiples. For me it is about connecting with someone and sharing a commonality about how our multiples came to be. If we both conceived spontaneously then that's just one more thing we have in common, but of course I would never ask since I now know better : )

Couldn't leave you w/o any eye candy!
We took this before mama Elda left last week : )


Spring said...

Our boys are the result of two years of "trying" We are a same sex couple so we obviously could not conceive without some medical intervention. After a year of just artificial inseminations with no fertility drugs & no pregnancies we wanted to increase our chances of getting pregnant & started clomid. It didn't help & neither did stronger medications. The process was just taking longer than we would have liked & costing us a ton of money every month so we turned to IVF for much much better chances of getting pregnant. We transferred 2 fertilized embryos & got 3 babies. People ask & I'm not ashamed of how our children were conceived but some people have the misconception (from bad press regarding octo mom & the like) that fertility treatments are reckless or are not carefully monitored & that if you take them you expect to have high order multiples. I've actually had someone say in reference to my boys "well it would be special if they were natural" it's offensive because some people act like they are less human because you needed fertility help. Fertility meds have no effect on eggs splitting, so my identicals are "natural" & now, unless expresses that they are trying to get pregnant or having a hard time getting pregnant I just say yes to their question & go about my day. I don't mind sharing our experience at all, but it's the reactions that are offensive & I choose to just avoid them now. It is kind of an invasive question when you've been through it honestly. Like you're less of a woman because you couldn't just get pregnant & the process is long, painful & emotional. Sharing that with a complete stranger in the midst of running errands with your tots in tow just isn't ideal, especially when they don't genuinely care. Also my boys are old enough now to understand what people are saying & I want to punch the person who make my baby feel like he isn't special. They usual answer now if someone asks if they are triplets & my smart alec often says "we're triplets!" If people are staring, lol

Janet Pittsenbarger said...

Spring that makes total sense, I always hear that it's an offensive question but everyone fails to mention that it's because of all the negativity. I simply imagined some awkward silence if you answered no but for people to be so crass is inexcusable especially when your children are present. Although I guess I shouldn't be too surprised considering the suicide comments I've gotten. Anyways, Sorry you've had to go through that!

Bonnie said...

Our triplets are Clomid babies. Most people either ask if they are natural or if I did IVF. If I am specifically asked if I took anything to help me conceive, I will tell them Clomid. I have received a few nasty comments, such as, "I've got to know so my doctor won't give me that" or "well I sure as hell wouldn't take that if it gives you triplets". Like most comments, I just smile and nod.